how to irrevocably debase yourself in 10 easy lessons
Every now & then, I buy a non-fashion "women's magazine" to see what's up in the world of middle America. It's always frightening.
In this month's Family Circle, there's an article on how to deal with your husband's bad habits: not taking care of his health, too much TV, not helping with the housework, and my favorite - how to make him more of a "go-getter" so he'll earn a higher salary. Apparently the best thing to do is infantilize him -- "nudge, don't nag." If that doesn't work, the author, a Ph.D in who knows what, basically advises you to transform yourself into a passive-aggressive scion of feigned understanding.
Re. the salary problem, the advice is... don't ask about work. (!) "Instead, get him to talk about his dreams and ways ways he might pursue them." How does talking your husband, say a middle manager at a pharmaceutical company, into ditching his salaried gig to become a karate teacher get you and the kids that holiday in the Caymans, I ask you? The advice is rounded out thusly - "Consider that he may actually be content with his job. If you're the ambitious one, maybe it's time to focus on achieving your own goals." Take THAT, you bloodsucking cow.
(A worse habit in my book would be a workaholic - a lazy husband has time to hang out.)
But what if your husband actually *is* a lazy fuck - and you hate it? (And come on. We know he is, and we know you do.) The time-tested techniques of spousal "encouragement" employed by virtually everyone I know aren't listed at all - not even in the "are you being overbearing?" sidebar. Here's what I say: want to eliminate a bad habit in your mate? Proceed in this order: withhold sex, throw a fit, blackmail, and publicly shame. I can smell the coconut oil already.
In this month's Family Circle, there's an article on how to deal with your husband's bad habits: not taking care of his health, too much TV, not helping with the housework, and my favorite - how to make him more of a "go-getter" so he'll earn a higher salary. Apparently the best thing to do is infantilize him -- "nudge, don't nag." If that doesn't work, the author, a Ph.D in who knows what, basically advises you to transform yourself into a passive-aggressive scion of feigned understanding.
Re. the salary problem, the advice is... don't ask about work. (!) "Instead, get him to talk about his dreams and ways ways he might pursue them." How does talking your husband, say a middle manager at a pharmaceutical company, into ditching his salaried gig to become a karate teacher get you and the kids that holiday in the Caymans, I ask you? The advice is rounded out thusly - "Consider that he may actually be content with his job. If you're the ambitious one, maybe it's time to focus on achieving your own goals." Take THAT, you bloodsucking cow.
(A worse habit in my book would be a workaholic - a lazy husband has time to hang out.)
But what if your husband actually *is* a lazy fuck - and you hate it? (And come on. We know he is, and we know you do.) The time-tested techniques of spousal "encouragement" employed by virtually everyone I know aren't listed at all - not even in the "are you being overbearing?" sidebar. Here's what I say: want to eliminate a bad habit in your mate? Proceed in this order: withhold sex, throw a fit, blackmail, and publicly shame. I can smell the coconut oil already.
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