Tuesday, February 28, 2006

knitastrophe



I was so bold as to think I could design a sweater for Lula, because of course nothing fits her. I was wrong. She was a little insulted.

My mistake: the amount of stretch in the yarn. It's a cheap acrylic and I used big needles so it's droopsville. Poor Lu.

Anyone know a dog *larger* than 176 pounds in need of a hot pink sweater?

And you gotta admit: Lu has the cutest goddamn lower lip in the business.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Weekend Update




Here are some older fotos to tide us over; the All That's Changed Intern has temporarily misplaced the camera. I was about to protest, but he distracted me with a perfectly-executed gimlet and the moment was lost. That's Dana with the bikini she crocheted for a stripper friend.

Microbiology test Monday, so I'm embarking on my usual studying/spring cleaning cycle. 30 minutes of study, 30 minutes of some heavy-duty hausfrau action: today I'm scrubbing down oven racks, cleaning the fridge, and washing the wooden blinds. I highly recommend this regimen when you have to cram a bunch of facts into your head; it's easier to keep focused for shorter lengths of time, and it gets up you and down at regular intervals.

So yeah, my weekend is going to kind of blow. Have fun for me, people!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

the fatherland, part zwei

Another hi-larious email from dad. Bits redacted. Greta is my 4 yr old niece.

Hi! We are having lots of fun with Greta! Today I met a student at Rockford College and took Greta with me. We had coffee
in the Lion's Den and she was real friendly to the male student! Then we went to Ms Jean's house to see her four turtles - she really liked that. There was even angel dust [the good kind] and a magic wand to play with. On Tuesday we rode the el, walked to the lake, visited Millennium Park and fed the pigeons in Daley Center - that was really fun....it was cold and the birds were huddled by the Eternal Flame and did not fly, but when they saw Greta with snack food she could not stamp them away from her shoes but she was not afraid. Tomorrow we go to the farm to see 26 lambs - new born ones! Love, Dad

Perhaps all parental emails are this way. Mauri says her mom's are like if Ernest Hemingway were a 60-something Mexican lady. I've read them, and of course she's spot on.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

scrub research results

I found some decently-shaped crubs that don't err to the side of sexy. Some however, err to the side of dorky. To be fair, not much looks good with Dansko clogs (I own 3 pair).

Links open new windows - my HTML skill for the day.

faux wrap top
lord help us Operation Dickies for the M*A*S*H fans
flare leg w/ Y opening
an example of what we're NOT going for
metroscrubs, look kinda like track suits
slim fit, flat-front pants. now we're getting somewhere
Cubs scrubs!
holyfuckingshit

Anatomy FunFact

Joaquin Phoenix has a microform cleft palate. It's a congenital condition (we don't say "defect" any more, you barbarians) wherein the fusion of the palatine processes of the maxillae is semi-incomplete. In other words, the 2 sides of the hard palate almost don't join up in utero. Tom Brokaw has the same thing. Is Tom Brokaw still alive? I thought 1980's news anchors were all dying off as of 2005.

The cleft palate is when the 2 sides rilly don't join up. It's not just cosmetic in these cases; cleft palate babies have a hard time suckling.

Here's a good shot of Joaquin's lip.

Roller Derby Bulletin

I missed practice the other day because of lab, and I'm holding out to go back until I see the hand specialist on the 6th. My right hand's pretty much a claw at this point.

I was helping Matt back his loaded pickup safely out of the driveway yesterday... I was trying to signal that he was clear via a thumbs-up, and he was shrugging at me, giggling, and not moving. My right thumb doesn't DO thumbs-up any more...it sort of flaccidly droops over to my left. Mocking the handicapped. Nice.

Please to be suggesting possible sources of psychosomatism that would cause The Claw -- winning entry gets a hand (get it?) - knitted scarf by yours truly. Submit via Comments. All Rights Reserved.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Snow Patrol




Photos shot in Angwin yesterday, about 20 miles as the crow flies from Napa. Uphill, obviously. There was actual accumulation, and it was fairly dry. The 7th Day Adventist college students were having fun with it.

It's profoundly weird up there in Angwin. Reminds me of a Stephen King novel (although I've never read one) when I drive through there. All there is in the town is Pacific Union College and a couple of supporting retail establishments -- one market, one laundromat, and a very lonely and creepy gas station. They also have a conservative Christian radio station that fucks up transmissions of NPR upvalley, a wide source of irritation. Because it's 7th Day, all the students are by and large white, and also vegetarian nonsmoking teeototalers. And they say *I* had a misspent youth.

Facts about 7th Day Adventists, because I was curious and looked it up:

* They're way into good health practices - that nutjob Kellogg was one.
* Hell isn't eternal torment, rather annihiliation. That's a nice tidy wrapup.
* They observe a Sat. Sabbath - that's the Seventh-Day bit.
* Rate of college graduation is twice that of average Americans.
* No women pastors, no gays.
* Pronunciation - emphasis on ADventists

This concludes today's Theology FAQ.

Friday, February 17, 2006

gaining no purchase


Starting with last week's horseback ride, I have been thwarted in virtually all my doings. Here's a list.

1. The first people sweater I've ever knitted came out about 4 inches too short and with armholes designed for Iggy Pop. I realize it would have been nothing short of miraculous had the first sweater I ever knitted actually fit. But still. Plus, it looks kind of tardy. Fortunately I had Matt try it on before I added the sleeves.

2. I got blown off on Valentine's Day. (I was going to add an incriminating link here, but as I searched for one, I found that there are two JK's who are executive editors of zines, and the one who blew me off is the the less successful, and knowing that is enough.) (See http://www.sobs.org/) Ah, the bitterness...it's just like dating all over again!

3. I thought I had taught Maisie to heel perfectly off leash, but Dana and I took her for a walk and it was like a wild marmoset was engaged in trying to pull my arm off. Back to the training collar.

*****BREAKING*****

Matt just called and there's snow on Mt. St. Helena. I'm jumping in the car and heading up to elevation to show Maisie her first snow. Further bulletins as events warrant.

Monday, February 13, 2006

my iPod thinks I'm an IV drug addict

So far today Shuffle has bubbled up:

Iggy Pop
Oasis
The Verve
Twilight Singers

and just to drive the point home, The Libertines.

barn sour


Dana was away, so I went out to her horses this weekend solo. They haven't been ridden in awhile because it's been so wet, so I thought Forever & I would just take a quick jaunt up the road and back. She wasn't having it, and kept trying to head back to the barn. We played the circle game for 5 minutes or so, and she still resisted.

So I hopped off and led her for awhile. To be fair, there were a noisy bunch of sparrows in a tree and a backhoe operating close by, so she had a right to be wary. I hopped back on (which took some manuevering, as I was riding bareback), she still resisted, and we circled again for a bit. I looked behind me and realized if she got pissed I'd be landing in barbed wire and standing flood water, so I was patient. Finally I coaxed her into getting even with the flood level sign above, and then made her stand there awhile before we went back in.

And it was still fun. I do love the horses.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

open letter to the mental midget who owned my microbiology text before me

You had every right to mark in your textbook. I got it used, and can only expect to find it marked up. But I didn't expect a microbiology student, an upper division, majors-only course, to be such a dolt.

Your highlighting is idiotic. You highlight subtitles. Subtitles! Is that to remind you to go back and read the whole section later? Better buckle down now, my friend! There's only one micro teacher at this college, so we have the same guy. You highlight only lecture material, completely defeating the purpose of the textbook, which is *supplementing" the lecture. Third, you need a bit of a brush-up. If you don't know "peroxidase," "culture medium," and I shudder to even write it, "sterile" by now, you're in a wee bit over your head.

I gain a modicum of affection for you when I note your margin scribbles. Like the section on flagella, where you wrote "like sperm!" next to the subtitle. It's sweet that you're trying to relate the material to your own life.

In any case, person who had my textbook before me, thanks for being you. It's people like you taking up the spots in the C and D range, so the rest of us can rise a little higher.

Oh. Sorry. I see you quit highlighting completely after chapter 5. Right around the time of Test 1. Don't sweat it, kiddo. The world needs sociology majors, too.

Friday, February 10, 2006

be my guest

This Cary Tennis letter in Salon, from a grad student worried about not being able to afford to attend his friend's destination wedding, spoke to me.

"What is the meaning of this destination wedding in Hawaii? Is it in keeping with my goals and values? Or is it an upper-middle-class fantasy that reveals a lack of commitment to progressive values? If I attend this wedding in Hawaii, does that mean that I endorse the idea of expensive destination weddings and the class-based fantasies they embody?"

I'm relieved I'm not the only person who thinks like this.

I like destination weddings, actually. Especially when it's somewhere fun and you can roll a vacation into it. But I feel perfectly free to decline an invitation if I can't afford it or if the event doesn't speak to me for one reason or another. I go to weddings -- I spend money to go particular weddings -- because being there is a show of love and support, and that means something to me. I don't attend on the basis of social pressure. And if I really wanted to go and couldn't bloody afford it, I'd go anyway. That's why god made Visa.

Weddings aside. I'm extending Cary's point here. The kind of work you do, how you spend your free time, and where you spend your money -- those are your values. Not what you proclaim as values, that usually doesn't amount to shit. I grew up a preacher's kid, the weight of the Protestant ethic is fully upon me, and if nothing else, dad taught me this: What you do every day is what you believe in.

Me, I wouldn't dream of getting into a year's worth of debt over a wedding, but I'll happily attend yours. I worked for PG&E once because I was dead broke, but I own it, and I'll never do it again. I support local music. I get skeeved out if I realize I've gone a few months without doing volunteer work. I quit buying books and started using the library which is a democratic triumph people, get back to your local library. I'm leaving advertising and joining public healthcare. I wash out and reuse ziploc bags, I mulch kitchen waste, and I'm an excellent tipper.

I also spent more on my dog's healthcare last year than my own. I'm vain and I ritualistically spend too much on clothes. And shoes. And jewelry. I don't do enough for my community. I think teenage parents are idiots and I don't give their cause a dime. I frickin love working in advertising and leaving it has as much to do with my personal incompatibility with the corporate environment as anything. I can't bring myself to compromise my hair - I drive to SF and pay for the spendy salon. I have eaten at the French Laundry. Twice.

Here's Cary:

"We might become artists or musicians or study arcane and little-understood phenomena, we might live more simply, we might dedicate ourselves to what we love, we might take time off from work to improve our lives and our relationships, we might spend more time with our children, if it weren't for the fear of not having enough money, or appearing to not have enough money...

Rather than say, "I'm sorry, your destination wedding in Hawaii does not fit my budgetary plans for fiscal year 2006," we say, "I'm so happy for you, I'll be there!" We pretend to have money that we do not have. And then we create for ourselves a set of unreasonable expectations. We attend a wedding we cannot afford to attend and give gifts we cannot afford to buy. And then we pay later. We pay with our time. We pay with our dreams.""

Dude, skip the wedding, stay in grad school, treat yourself to a night out once in awhile. Trust me, it helps. Me, I have not one (hurray!) wedding this summer, so I'm going to Rome next month. Got a job lined up when I get back. That's good enough, right?

Thursday, February 09, 2006


What happens when you send everyone to your blog is people send you hilarious pictures of their kids. Totally made my day.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

hypochondrimania

Just back from my annual physical, and in addition to giving the undercarriage a good how's your father, here are the interesting things that are wrong with me:

1. Perinasal dermatitis. This means "a skin thing sort of around the nose." Apparently it's a mild form of rosacea, which is prone to stike those who made it through adolescence without acne. Great! Highschool was a dermalogical triumph -- my brother and cousins all had acne -- but now I must suffer?

2. Possible arthritis in my right hand. WTF is this?!?!? Doctor said it's WAY too early for it, so shipped me off for x-rays pronto and the hand specialist next week. Could be a bone spur. I've already started practicing my ambidextry.

As I was in the hospital outpatient area for xrays, I noticed two things.

1. Scrubs are ugly. Drawstring waists make your ass look like 2 stuffed hamhocks. I'm going to be wearing them sometime in the future, so somebody needs to figure out how to cut them in a more flattering way. The smocks you can easily put some darts into. The pants ... I dunno. I nominate Anne to address this challenge.

(I haven't googled it yet. Perhaps someone's already making Shapely Scrubs. But if not -- this idea could be our ticket to the front row, people. Mum's the word.)

2. Half the people in the outpatient area were grossly overweight to morbidly obese. Two people had lost limbs, presumably to diabetes. And what are the volunteer ladies selling for a fundraiser? See's Candy! They didn't even have any sugar-free, I looked. I may have to send a sternly-worded letter.

Monday, February 06, 2006

sloth and idleness


I'm knitting, I look over, and Lula's done a face plant into Maisie's bed and is sound asleep. All that dog likes to do is lie in the sun and/or sleep. That's why she's my Stinky BF.

Stalker Food

A dinner date at home provides motive, means and opportunity if you know what I mean and I think you do.

My trade secret Stalker Food is Sicilian Meatballs. I had a carb and sausage (heh) craving last night so I whipped up a batch, and oh sister, they never disappoint.

(If you're thinking to yourself HEY! She never made ME Sicilian Meatballs! then you were an easy target which is always appreciated so don't go changing.)

I once had an idea to do a stalker cookbook, but when I polled for recipes, I discovered people either don’t how to cook, don’t have a favorite recipe or don’t use this particular MO. Robert's salmon stands out here because he caught it himself ("sashimi quality, baby") AND he cooked it magnificently on a pastel-pink stove without irony.

To my way of thinking, cooking = showing off, a winning element of any new relationship. But, it's also true that my compulsion to show off has significantly diminished over time because I figure if I plus a few cocktails don’t turn your crank, the hell with you anyway. So forget my previous premise. Cook the meatballs for yourself and call it self-stalking. Which is far more interesting.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

knit one purl too



Finished Maisie's sweater -- isn't it cute? Rather suits her, I think -- I like the mock turtleneck. I was trying out the pattern to see if it would work for Tallulah before I knitted up 5 skeins of wool to cover her 170 lbs.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

It's on.

The roller derby girl called me back. I'm going to practice Thursday night.

girl on film

Watched The Island last night. Why didn't it do better in the theaters? I found it to be perfectly solid summer blockbuster entertainment -- the Times said "glossy, witty eye candy with some moderately chewy stuff in the middle." The chewy stuff is probably why it didn't do better in the theaters. That, and maybe the euthanasia scene.

Worth a rent, for sure. Watch Logan's Run first though. The Island owes it a lot. As do we all.

While I'm at it, check out The Castle. Muriel's Wedding/Strictly Ballroom/Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. It's warm-hearted and offbeat and silly, but what I liked was its genuine respect and affection for the working class. I can only think of Fargo as a comparison in an American movie, but that's not quite right. Thoughts?

While I'm at Australian movies, there's also Love Serenade with Miranda Otto, who appears to be enjoying my acting career.

Done being Jan Wahl (quelle horreur!) for the day, I'm off to do some microbiology and some knitting. Separate activities, I assure you.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Listen closely.

Okay. Okay.

HEY. Are you paying attention? Wtf, man?

Sheesh.

Okay. Here's how this is going to work.

What you're going to do *right bloody now* is go to the Apple music store and spend $0.99 to download "Hard to Beat" by Hard-Fi. You will listen to it, you will love it, and then you'll go back and buy the whole album.

Buy it today, thank me tonight.

The Radio Lads, Skott and James - frequently the source of awesome music - gave me a copy of Hard-Fi about 6 months ago, and it's no exaggeration to say that Hard To Beat was My Song of 2005. I like the whole album, specially "Better Than That" and I understand "Cash Machine" is now on the radio but you'd never know what was on the radio by me. Anyway, I got to see Hard-Fi at Popscene last night and the live show sealed. The. Deal.

I forgot to charge the camera yesterday so no Popscene photos. Instead I'm posting pictures of Maisie, which will pretty much be the routine whenever I have no fresh material, so get used to it.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Rolling Thunder. Or maybe Rolling Precipitation Likely.




I felt like I could easily keep up with the skating at the roller derby the other night, but since I haven't been on skates in oh, 20 years, I thought I'd give it a dry run. I was going to run out and buy some until Dana came up with the brilliant idea of renting skates at a roller rink. They do that, you know.

Before I get into my performance, let me just comment on what a glorious experience the roller rink is on Adult Skate Night. Music ranged from hip-hop hits from oh, 2003 or so, to 80's pop and 70's R&B. In addition to being a multi-culti and ageless, it was also high-fashion scene. Here're a few gems:

* pair of women in mid-late 40's, jeans and t's, talking over kids and husbands
* couple in their 50's wearing shiny track suits
* pair of gay guys in 80's yellow-green neon Campagnolo bike hats (looking on eBay now for that action)
* lady in her 60's in velour track suit
* bunch of twentysomething girls in full on 80's wear, including a well-executed side mono-pigtail
* few couples on dates, girls without exception outskating guys
* best skater in the rink: punk kid, shaven head, baggy pants, wifebeater

The fact that this is all going down in Rohnert Park, a burb an hour north of SF, makes it that much more cool. I imagine there are roller rinks in SF, and I imagine I'll be going soon, but it'll be Hipsterama. The RP rink was pristine.

So yeah, I still got mad rollerskating skills. By the time we left I was cornering at high speed, circling, stopping on a dime, backwards skating (albeit slowly) and changing velocity (which is speed AND direction people, I just had Physics last semester) smoothly.

I think I can take on the roller derby.

Next steps: Auditioning (if that's what they call it), and practice skate @ the rink's Family Night. The falling and out-of control anklebiters will be great obstacles to work on quick stops, dodging and weaving, which I think will be more important than speed in the derby. Who's with me?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

the fatherland


Perhaps this is a mild privacy breach, but the emails my dad send just kill me. Here's an excerpt from the latest:

Subject: I have an idea - Dad.

I got my new CD burner [exchanged the one that did not work] installed
and it works now!! So we are busy sorting photos and arranging them.
Also this week I'm preparing a sermon for Sunday. It's nice weather
here but bad is coming. I've read reviews about Tristan Shandy [the
film] and I have begun reading the book. It will take me a while to get
that finished. Any hints to help me? They all say it is post-modern
[1760] be post-modernity even began. Maybe he started it!? I will see
the movie despite critic reviews. Also want to see Capote and a few
others - titles escape me just now. Almost time for supper and then the
president - I will watch and not get overwrought. I promise. Dad

I don't have any pictures of my dad in iPhoto on account of me being a terrible person, so instead I've posted one of Tallulah and the Halloween pumpkin.