Friday, March 31, 2006

all you ever do is bring me down

What is with the g.d. weather? Have we all unwittingly upped and moved to Seattle? I would quickly become one of those suicide statistics in the Pacific Northwest. I find little appealing about that rain sodden underbathed overhippied off the grid part of the country and suddenly I'm living in it. Mediterranean climate my sweet ass.

Midterms next week. Writtens & practicals in both microbiology and anatomy. Oof. I'm sitting at the dining room table facing a pile of books and a veritable mountain of notecards which say shit like "net gain of 2 ATP from substrate-level phosphorylation" and "definition of 'shocked survivors?'" I've already spent an hour reading poetry and bidding on 3 pairs of ridiculous shoes on eBay to console myself.

Those notecards sound like showing off, but no. The thing about the sciences is, all you have to do is be a good memorizer. It's like getting through law school, as I understand it. They don't want too much info; all they want you to know what they goddamn told you to know.

Yes, the higher echelons of science are incredibly creative, and of course there's being a physicist which is science+creativity+philosophy from the 101 level, in which case you're a weirdo. But biology is just remembering shit, and being able to fit the little picture into the big one. I kinda want to check out molecular bio next, but at that point it is just showing off.

Chemistry was actually harder. More math. General Biology is like the break they give you after making it through General Chemistry. Microbiology is like the warmup they give you before they *really* F your S up in Molecular Biology.

So yeah, I'm looking at a weekend of rain (which translates to an under-exercised terrier puppy) and cellular respiration at an insane level of detail. I've already determined to whip up Anne's pimento cheese as the designated comfort food and to take a good 2-hour break every day to pointlessly groom the horses, which I find soothing. Again -- be out there having fun for me party people.

What's that? Where's Matt, you ask? In Las Vegas for the weekend at a bachelor party. Ahem.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

smooth criminal


Of all the bloody nerve. Look how fat he is!

Okay, so platform bird feeder bad idea. Onward.

Friday, March 24, 2006

start kissing my ass now

I just entered to win a date with Fabio. I get to take a friend. (wtf kind of a date is that? but still)

The Bitch Has a Birthday




No we're not talking about Mauri, hers was last week. Maisie turned 1 yesterday on the first day of spring (more or less).

My favorite little black Aries got a new fur-lined bed, a giraffe tail toy that whacks the bejeezus out of her which she loves, something called a Wiggler Giggler which I had to take away within 10 minutes because it made me so nuts, and lots of mint-flavored tennis balls.

The birthday cake pretty much ruled. You can find the recipe here. I added a can of Mighty Dog Chicken & Rice to the batter for heft and used Kong Stuff'N for the written icing. Why yes I do have a life, why do you ask?

I recommend only making half the recipe unless you too have a 175-lb English Mastiff on hand to run cleanup. Happy Birthday Bug!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

modern art makes me rock out

Saw Art Brut last night. The opening band -- Gil Mantera's Party Dream - was friggin' captivating. As we walked up I heard the typical pretentious SF artster (wearing Adam Ant piped military jacket & cravat) say "That is the WORST band ever!" so I knew we were in for something good.

The Party Dream, we decided, was like the Butthole Surfers and Skynyrd got together and decided what they really wanted to be was Yaz. There was spandex. A vocorder. Intense fraternal rivalry. And lots of partial nudity. And as whacked out as their staging was, the songs were solid and he has a kind of awesome throw-back-your-head-and-bring-it voice. Check it out their stuff here. Although I have to say that performing Fleetwood Mac entirely in vocorder while wearing only snuggy briefs is a truly inspired cover. It was midwestern hard-partying artistic id spilling all over the stage and I will definitely be seeing Gil Mantera's Party Dream again.

Art Brut was good too. I don't mean to damn them with faint praise --- they do one thing -- which I adore -- and they do it really well. Clever lyrics will always get me. I loved the singer's imploring everyone in the crowd to form their own band. Every other band says that these days, but I see on the Art Brut website that they mean it.

I think Hard-Fi ruined me for live shows for all 2006. Fuck. When are they back?

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

deshabille

UPS guys have got to be sick of seeing us work-from-home types in their pajamas. I need to either curtail my ebay addiction or change the timing of my ablutions. Since neither option is realistic, I think I'll just buy some more attractive loungewear. On ebay.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

in honor of spring break

which is commencing in about 5.5 hours, we present the entire Onion Education page.

Not to be missed articles include "Second Graders Wow Audience With School Production of Equus" and, one we can all relate to: "Guy in Philosophy Class Needs to Shut the Fuck Up"

Speaking of The Onion, rent The Aristocrats this weekend. It made me sort of think Paul Reiser's funny.

this is not a food blog part II

I adore delicate desserts, and Citizen Cake is at the top of my list. So happy indeed was I when some of their recipes popped up in Bon Appetit. I made the Persian Love Cake the other night, and can report that it's unique, delicious, and easy. And actually fairly light, as cakes go.

It's white chiffon cake spiced with cardamom, and whipped cream icing scented with rose water and saffron. I sprang for both these last 2 semi-spendy items, but don't bother.

From Goldenfiddle: See, fashion designers do have a sense of humor about hating women.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

y'know what's a weird word?

"Sturdy."

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

this is what it looks like when



a bright f'ing flash goes off during our nap. Seconds later Maisie launched from beneath the fuzzy blanket and went straight for the paparazzo's throat. No jury would ever convict us.

Another Website I Wish I'd Thought Of

Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

Thursday, March 09, 2006

animalcules




Last week Dana and I went for a ride and I ended up getting thrown in a flash sleet storm in front of a semi. A slowly moving one, and I landed in soft turf and was immediately up again but still. Dana heroically dismounted and caught Bear. I'm sure the semi driver will be dining out on that story for weeks.

It was a confluence of the sleet, a semi backfiring, & a thwacking tree branch. The horse spooked, & I could tell it was one of those situations where I'd be better off than on, since the next rearing would knock us both right into the lower branches of a tree. (Horses aren't terribly smart that way.) So I got out of the stirrups, slid off at a canter, and rolled. Okay, okay, I wasn't thrown really. Sheesh. Great ride though overall - photos were taken after the tumble.

And that's Maisie stalking a semi-deflated Valentine balloon. She's been following it around the house, stealthily creeping close to the ground, growling when it floats too close to her toys or food.

Man, domestic animals. They're so confused.

Roller Derby Bulletin II

Gonna be delayed a bit more.

I had cortisone injections in my hand as a first attempt at treating the Trigger Finger, but it's only partially worked. So next up is some minor outpatient surgery. Gonna wait til after finals because they have to briefly splint my hand.

Sorry to disappoint - I know many of you were looking forward to me kicking some rollergirl ass. Patience. This will happen.

(check out the above link, it's my first edit to a Wiki! so proud)

attn. germophobes

In microbiology lab we tested purported "antibacterial" cleaning products and mouthwash against common household and epidermal bugs. Here are results for all you cleaning freakos:

really good products - fantastik, clorox anywhere surface, listerine, febreze antimicrobial, odor ban, 409 kitchen cleaner

bad products - pine sol, scope

So most products that said "antibacterial" really are. The trick is that you have to maintain surface contact for at least a minute (2 is better). So spray the counter, let it sit, and then wipe it off.

I had to go out and buy an antibacterial cleaning products; don't keep 'em in the house. Keeps my immunity high, is the theory. But MAN do I run for the hand cleaner after pumping gas.

In other microbial microbial news, ask your male doctor to ditch the necktie. Ickers.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

april 15 looms

Why do I feel compelled to dress conservatively for my appointment at H&R Block? It's not the freaking IRS, after all.

We may never know.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Anatomy FunFact II

Knee or back pain? Here's a precis from my anatomy book:

Gorillas, chimps, and gibbons sleep on their sides, using only arms & hands as pillows. Head down, mouth shut, bottom ear unobstructed. The stretching movements that accompany respiration in this position repeatedly realign joints between the vertebrae - impossible if a pillow is used.

Pillow use also keeps the feet dorsiflexed, which rotates the knees so that the angle between the patellar tendon and quad is odd, leading to eventual pain.

Another bonus! WIthout a pillow, if a male brings his knee up to the elbow, quite a comfortable position, the penis extends along the flexed leg, protecting it in the curve of the body. Members of African tribes taught western researchers to sleep in this position.

Product Placement


That's Maisie enjoying her new $70.00 car seat. Yes I bought the dog a $70.00 car seat DON'T JUDGE ME. It's safer because she can see out the winder without stretching up on 2 feet. She loves it. From Outward Hound. Minidog owners - get yourself one now.

In other retail therapy experiments, you may take my word for it and avoid the Method pill air fragrance thingamabob. I love Method generally, but this smells antiseptic. Moving on to Airwick scented oil. I have one bedroom that's damp no matter what I do, hence, home fragrance without flame.

Up next in this category: new M.A.C. products I have been exhorted to try.